


where did we go wrong?

by orphan_account



Series: kyouhaba week 2016 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cheating, F/M, KyouHaba - Freeform, KyouHaba Week 2016, M/M, Self Harm, Smut, basketball player/tennis player AU, day 3 prompt: different teams // sports swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:29:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7846936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yahaba Shigeru is a basketball player, and a charming(ish) one at that. Kyōtani Kentarō is a tennis player, as well as the scariest (and cutest) delinquent in Aobajōsai.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where did we go wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> so this is gonna be kinda dark
> 
> don't read if you're not comfortable with self-harm or depression
> 
> and if you know anyone who might be feeling this, or you have suspicions that they may be harming themselves
> 
> please help them
> 
> or at least let them know that they are not alone
> 
> because it's a terrible thing to go through, especially alone, and no one should have to

     “Waaaah, Kyō-ken-chan! I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” Oikawa had spied the heart emoji beside Shigeru’s name (courtesy of Shigeru) while Kentarō was texting him. 

     Kentarō turned and stood to face his senpai quickly, turning his phone off as he rose. “A boyfriend, actually.” 

     Every tennis player in the locker room froze, and slowly turned to look at Kentarō. He didn’t even bother rolling his eyes at them. Just because he was gay didn’t mean he went around eyeing every shirtless guy he saw. 

     Oikawa, on the other hand, brightened. “Shigeru, huh? Um… Yahaba?” 

     Kentarō nodded. 

     Oikawa brightened even more, through some strange sorcery,, and it became difficult for Kentarō to look at him. “He’s on the basketball team! With Iwa-chan! You know who Iwa-chan is, right? Iwaizumi Hajime? The best defense _ever_ , that’s who he is! You have to be _really really_ good to get past Iwa-chan, and even then, it’d be _so_ hard to score a point from his team! Wow! So I guess both our boyfriends are basketball players, huh? What position does Yahaba play?” 

     Kentarō stood up straighter. “He’s a shooting forward. Real good at it for a second year, too.” 

     Oikawa nodded, still smiling - but his eyes became sharper, his expression more cunning. “Well, _my_ Iwa-chan is the team’s best power forward. He’s been a starting player since his first year.” 

     Kentarō felt his chest puff up as Shigeru’s worth is challenged. The rest of the tennis players sense the tension and latch onto it, getting comfortable as Kentarō and Oikawa go back and forth for a good half hour, each one bragging about his own boyfriend. 

     The two of them didn’t stop until Oikawa was preaching to the masses about Iwaizumi’s arms (again) and Kentarō’s voice was barely a whisper as he revelled in the gift from God that is Shigeru’s hair (for the fourth time.) The players had steadily grown uncomfortable as the time dragged on, and when the coach finally came to yell at the boys to leave, only Kentarō and Oikawa were there, both of them daydreaming. 

     “Get out!” 

*****

     Shigeru was startled awake by the coach’s voice from where he had fallen asleep earlier, leaning against Iwaizumi-san, who came to the tennis court to wait for Oikawa-san. He wiped his eyes clean and smiled faintly at Kentarō and Oikawa-san, who were being ushered out of the court by their coach, both of them red and frankly - in Kentarō’s case, anyway - adorable-looking. 

     “What’d you do to have him yell at you so much, Shittykawa?” Iwaizumi-san asked Oikawa-san when the two began walking off together. Kentarō gave Oikawa-san a strange look, to which Oikawa-san returned an impressively vulgar gesture before linking arms with Iwaizumi-san and pulling him away. 

     “I’ll see you tomorrow at practice, Yahaba,” Iwaizumi-san called back. 

     “See you then, Iwaizumi-san,” Shigeru replied, waving until the two were nothing more than two ever-shrinking dots on the horizon. 

     “Shigeru.” Kentarō kept his eyes trained on the ground. 

     “Hey, Kentarō. How was practice?”Shigeru had no idea that anything was amiss. But then again, how could he? 

     “I’m so sorry.” Kentarō refused to look at Shigeru in the eye, and Shigeru felt a small shiver of satisfaction at seeing his boyfriend so submissive before him. His boyfriend, the scary delinquent. His boyfriend, Kyōtani Kentarō. 

     “What did you do.” Not a question. A demand. Shigeru was thoughtful, maybe; kind, if he tried; but patient? Yahaba Shigeru had never known such a thing. 

     “The tennis players may or may not know your extensive morning hair ritual. And the products. And how long it takes you. And how you stop at every mirror on your way out to-” 

     “Kentarō.” 

     He stopped talking and stood, looking up at Shigeru because _yes_ Shigeru is taller than Kentarō and standing as close as he was - perhaps 3 inches, maybe less in some places - the tennis player had to tilt his head up, lest he wanted to look at Shigeru’s neck. 

     “You’re not mad are you?” 

     “I’m going to _kill_ you. Right after I tear a new one into your ass.” Shigeru almost grinned at how quickly Kentarō’s ears turned pink, even while he maintained the defiance on his face. 

     “Yeah, right.” 

     Shigeru held his hand out as he turned to make his way to the bus stop. He felt Kentarō grab it a heartbeat later. “Let’s go home.” 

     Kentarō smiled at those words, a small smile that would have done Shigeru a lot of good had he not been stewing in self-doubt and anxiety and a lot of pointless shit that he really didn’t need to be thinking about. 

     It was something he never saw.

*****

     “Shigeru - _ahh_ , we have school tomorrow, you idiot. Take it - _ungh, right there_.” They’d gone straight to Kentarō’s house - no stopping for a bite to eat like they usually did - at Shigeru’s insistence. Kentarō complied, never having a backbone when it came to his boyfriend. Shigeru had pounced on Kentarō the moment the door was locked behind them and the two made it to the dining room before both their clothes were gone and Kentarō ended up bent over the table. _We eat here, dammit_ was his only protest. 

     Shigeru grinned, showing no sign that he’d heard Kentarō, only increasing his pace. 

     “Jesus Christ, Shigeru, you could at least-” Kentarō’s words were cut off as the pleasure rushed over him in a wave of ecstasy and all he could think was _Shigeru Shigeru Shigeru_. 

*****

     Shigeru stopped being able to feel the happiness. Even with Kentarō, with whom Shigeru felt the safest - the best he’s ever felt, really - he lost it. Even playing basketball, with teammates that he trusts and the exhilaration that came with scoring a point - he lost that feeling. Shigeru isn’t sure how it happened, or why it happened, and he didn’t care enough to dig deeper. He didn’t mind senselessly going through the day, hearing his teachers’ and classmates’ words pierce through the stifling darkness for only a second before he decided it didn’t matter, nothing matters. 

     He didn’t mind, really. 

     He saw Kentarō in the gym with his class on his way to the library, racket in hand and waiting for the tennis ball to come back to him. He hit it dead on, and the ball moved so fast that Shigeru lost sight of it, didn’t know where it was until it landed on the other side of the court. Out. Kentarō cursed, too quiet for anyone to hear - even Shigeru. It’s just that once you know someone well enough, you can anticipate some of their mannerisms. That, and Shigeru had been studying Kentarō closely enough to read his lips. 

     “Yahaba-kun! The class has already gone ahead, let’s go!” A girl in his class had stayed behind. She was standing at the end of the hall, clutching her school bad tightly with both hands. Shigeru didn’t even know her name. He gave her a smile that’s known to make girls - and boys - swoon and panties - and boxers - drop. A light blush crawled up her neck, and Shigeru knew he’d scored. 

     Kentarō glanced up in time to see Shigeru walked away from the gym with a smile on his face, and he felt doubt crawl through his heart. He knew that Shigeru had gone through hard times before, and he knew that Shigeru always covered it up with a smile and a flippant _I’m fine, don’t worry_ but he was never fine. And Kentarō always worried. 

     But he didn’t have practice after school that day and he would spend the afternoon with Shigeru and try to cheer him up, because all Kentarō wanted was his boyfriend’s happiness. 

*****

     Shigeru wasn’t really sure what he was thinking when he took his classmates hand. When he smiled at her and said in a voice that was too flirtatious, “Call me Shigeru.” 

     He wasn’t sure why he thought _got her_ when she replied with a timid, “Th-then you can call me Kayo.” Her blush deepened, making her face startlingly red. 

     “Well, Kayo-chan, how about we ditch and head the that empty science lab?” 

     Kayo nodded timidly. 

     Shigeru led her to the empty room, where he laid her out on a table and fucked her. He didn’t really see it as cheating, didn’t really care that he was being unfaithful to Kentarō, even as he wondered how he would react if he found out that his boyfriend had done the same to him. Even as his eyes teared up at the heartache he’d feel. Even as he released with a low groan into the faceless girl beneath him, Kentarō’s name a mere whisper in his lips. 

     Nothing really mattered anymore. 

     And when he left that girl in the classroom by herself, naked and sweaty, he still didn’t care. When he took his bag and went home, nearly two hours of school left, he didn’t care then either. 

     When the thin blade connected with the pale skin of his thigh and cut just deep enough to leave thin, red lines, when his blood dripped onto the bathroom floor and made the water a light pink colour, when the words _useless stupid pathetic inferior abysmal trash nothing_ were traced into his flesh and blemished his skin forever… 

     Shigeru still didn’t care. 

*****

     Kentarō couldn't find him the day before, but when he saw Shigeru leaving the gym after school the next day, he caught up to him and grabbed his hand. 

     “Hey.” 

     “Ah. Kentarō.” 

     “Sleep over tonight?” 

     And it was like Shigeru was fine all along when he gave Kentarō a small smile and nodded. 

     But Kentarō knew it wasn't. Something had changed between them. He just wasn't sure if it was bad or not. 

*****

     “Shigeru.” Kentarō said. He was lying on Shigeru’s couch, with Shigeru holding himself up on one arm above him. 

     “Yeah.” Shigeru snaked a hand up Kentarō’s chest. 

     “Can't we do something else?” Kentarō sounded tired, almost annoyed. And he reserved that right, too. Lately all Shigeru has wanted is _sex, sex, sex_ and as much as Kentarō loved being close to him, the feeling of being filled by Shigeru… he didn't feel like their relationship should start and end with whether or not they had a good time the night before. Kentarō’s never wanted that with anyone, especially not with Shigeru, someone he loved. 

     “You don't want to?” Shigeru asked softly. He ducked his head down to trail his tongue along Kentarō’s chest. A shiver escaped Kentarō, and he grabbed his boyfriend's hair, tugging his head up gently before he could go any further. Shigeru watched his face with careful eyes. 

     “I don't. Not tonight. Let's do something else.” 

     Shigeru nodded, then sat back quickly. “Maybe another night. I just remembered that I have something to do.” 

     He stood up, gave Kentarō what must have been the fakest smile he could generate, and left without even a _goodbye_. 

     He left Kentarō alone, feeling abandoned and ignored, wondering what he'd done to make Shigeru stop loving him. 

*****

     Shigeru wanted to stay with Kentarō. He really did. He wanted nothing more than to be held in his arms, to hear his rough voice console him… but he didn’t want to drag Kentarō into the crazy bullshit that he calls his life. He would never do that to Kentarō, the only person who cared. Him. The only person who loved Shigeru. Him. The one person Shigeru was hurting the most. 

      _You break what you touch_. 

     Shigeru didn't want to hurt him. Didn't want to break his heart and burn up the pieces. He would rather die. And faced with these two choices he'd given himself, Shigeru felt that he chose the right one. 

     As he silently regarded the pills in his hand, he wondered how Kentarō would handle the news. How he would mourn. How long it would take him to move on. 

     And even as these thoughts made tears trace jagged lines on his cheeks, he tossed back the contents of his hands and wished Kentarō a long, happy life. Even as he fell to the ground and slowly lost consciousness as the drugs took over his mind, he still wept at having to lose the one bright spark in his life. 

     Even as his phone buzzed with an incoming text from Kentarō, _i love you shigeru. hope you have a good night_ , and Shigeru shuddered when he thought of exactly what it was that he was losing. That someone else would be lucky enough to steal Kentarō's heart and fix the shattered pieces that Shigeru would leave behind.

     Even then. 

     Shigeru’s last thoughts were all _Kentarō I love you Kentarō I'm sorry Kentarō Be happy Kentarō Please forgive me Kentarō Find happiness Kentarō Kentarō Kentarō_.

     He died with a smile on his lips and a heart full of sorrow. 

**Author's Note:**

> i think i have a grudge against yahaba or something
> 
> idk


End file.
